The Diary of Frodo Baggins
by aelfgifu
Summary: Frodo, age 12, recounts his experiences the first few years following his parents’ deaths. Some mature themes. Bookverse.
1. Default Chapter

**The Diary of Frodo Baggins by Aelfgifu**

Frodo, age 12, recounts his experiences the first few years following his parents' deaths.

(I will update each day). Enjoy!

**VVVVVVVVVVVVVVV**

**Year 2979**

I don't know if I should have looked.

But I felt pushed somehow. I was in a fey mood. I'd heard the words drop from the lips of some assorted relatives. I could not believe them – or rather, didn't want to. I'd heard the words "The River" and sprinted off. I remember Aunt Esme calling after me. I did not heed her, of course. At twelve you hear enough of what's for your own good, I think. So I ran.

Funny thing. I remember almost nothing from the moment I left the Hall to coming up fast on the river. They stood in a great crowd as if it were a party of some kind. They saw me, and they all went quiet and strange. I felt like an intruder upon my own tragedy.

And the next thing I remember is kneeling down and seeing them _like that_. Ma and Dad – so still. They looked asleep, but not peaceful somehow. I wanted them to wake up. I still do. I touched ma's skin and it was so cold – like touching the scales of a fish.

Now I try to pull up a memory of them in my mind, and all that comes to the surface is them likeâthat. Perhaps in time I will forget the sight.

No, that is not really what I wish. Rather, I wish to _remember_ them as they were. Alive. Happy. My family.

I don't think the memory of what I saw this day will ever leave me – not if I shall live as long as the Old Took. In is branded in my thoughts. I have not cried since this morning. I am numb. This all seems a dream, as if I am outside myself gazing at another lad who is not me.

I cannot believe they are gone. I am alone.

--Frodo


	2. The Funeral

**Entry two.**

The funeral was today. I think most came only out of detached curiosity. I was the center of attention – like a rack of lamb over a bonfire at Yulefest. I felt naked. People stared at me, mumbled things under their breaths, but did not speak to me. They could not meet my eyes.

Why can they stare at me but not look me in the eyes? What are they afraid of, I wonder?

Some people cried, especially my Aunt. Of course- as she is my ma's sister. Was. Hard to think of my Ma being anyone's sister. Hard to think of her being anything else but my ma. Hard to think of her gone.

I did not cry.

--Frodo


	3. Lost

It has been a week. I haven't done much writing. I have not done much of anything. I wander about this big house in a daze – or so I'm told. I feel rootless, as if I could float away. I feel like the time I drank some of papa's ale and everything went hazy, shifting, and weird.

I wait for them to burst through the door, telling me to go pack so we can all go home. That does not happen, of course, except on the edge of my dreams. I'm no fool. It won't happen.

Still I close my eyes and try to remember. And all I see is bodies. I have nightmares, and that isn't the way to remember your parents. I have not cried since last I wrote. I still feel numb – like a ghost, but a ghost separated from all other ghosts. From them.

--Frodo


	4. Walk

I took a walk by the river alone. My friends called to me to join them. The lads here seem to think I ought to be over it – it being the larger space of a week since the funeral. Don't suppose I'm much fun.

I've been doing my fair share of reading. Books do not trouble me none.

Frodo


	5. Room

Aunt Esme had arranged for all my things to be brought from my home in Bywater to this place. They don't look right here. Somehow seeing my things from home- blankets, pictures, toys, books placed in this guestroom seems all wrong.

Aunt Esme, she set it up a lot like my real room. She led me in with some ceremony, covered my eyes with her broad hands, and said "surprise!" as chipper as you like as she uncovered my eyes. She smiled and the like, as if she expected me to be delighted and thankful. I said nothing.

"Well, do you like it?" she asked. "Doesn't it look just like home?"

What a laugh! I told her that it looked like a guestroom.

I think I said this too harshly. Her face fell as if I had punched her. Even though I knew I had hurt her, I did not apologize. Why should I? My parents are dead. If my life can be mean, why can't I?

Frodo.


	6. Strike

I made another go at running with the lads today. Then as the sun went down, and lad after lad got called home to sup. Tom Twofoot said it must be nice to have no folks to tell me what to do.

I socked him. He fell and his nose bled. I should not have done that. I don't know why I did. He looked up at me all surprised and hurt. He stood up, spat at me, and ran home pressing the hem of his shirt against his nose.

Aunt Esme tried to get to explain. I shrugged, and that is all the answer she got. And it is the only answer she is going to get. Does that seem cold? Well, honestly, I don't know why I did that, much less how to explain it to someone else.

Esme has confined me to my room for the day. I am there now. Just as well. Here I can be quiet and not provide the Hall something to stare at and mumble about. I can be alone with my books.

Frodo


	7. Library

Uncle Sara asked what I might like to do with my life. How should I know? Most days I don't know who I am aside from my name and the manner of books I like. That's something parents tell you. I did not answer him. I'm in the library now. I'm going to do some reading.

Frodo


	8. Floating

I had a dream that I was walking through the hayfields, the shorn grass and packed earth firm beneath my feet. Suddenly, I floated up about the ground – as if something that had rooted me there had gone and let go. I could see the grass below me- a few feet a first, then higher. I tried to find something to latch onto to steady myself, to try and pull myself down. Nothing worked. I flailed wildly, but it was no use. My hands fell upon the hay set in their tall stacks, and the grass slid through my fingers like water.

I continued to float up. I saw trees but could not reach them. I tried to move myself in a purposeful direction, but it was no use. Soon the even the tree tops were below me. I could not control how fast I rose, or in which direction. I cried out to the hobbits working below. They did not heed me. They were busy with their harvest and just keep at their scythes. I disappeared behind some clouds then, and all went hazy and grey and shapeless. Beyond the clouds, I knew, was a great blue infinite space, one of infinite possibilities, not the least of which was death. Before I felt myself break through the clouds, I screamed, and woke up in a cold sweat.

Aunt Esme ran in and asked what happened. I told her it was just a dream. I told her I dreamed float up.

"A flying dream," she said. "How nice, a bit scary, though, I suppose."

She does not understand. This was the most terrifying dream I've ever had. I don't want to have a flying dream ever again.

Frodo


	9. Birthday

My 12th birthday. What on earth do I have to _give_ anyone? Aunt Esme and Uncle Sara gave me a big party – providing all the mathoms for "my" guests. Well, all the lads and lasses at the Hall seemed to be having fun at the party. All except sulking boring me.

It seems such a strange affair. Lads and lasses from the Hall gathered for my benefit. But I don't care to know these guests, and by the look of it, they didn't care much for knowing me. They seemed to be having a good time, though

My guardians made a good show of it, I think. Tried to. But it makes what is missing all the more sharp, like a bee sting that doesn't really start to hurt until the next day. I won't tell Aunt Esme that that my ma would have made my favorite sticky marmalade rolls, as she has for every birthday since I can remember. And that we would have made cider in the morning after a grand breakfast. And I won't tell her that we always just had the three of us because they knew I did not go much for parties. I won't pain aunt Esme with these family traditions that she cannot mimic. I won't have her setting her mind to creating pale charades of things that carried their own quiet meaning for me. I won't tell her that I don't like parties. And I won't tell her that the entire time, I wanted nothing more than to bolt away, lock myself in my room, and curl up with a book.

Well, I'm here now. Happy birthday Frodo.

Frodo.


	10. Books

My Uncle and Aunt are worried about me. They keep asking what they might do to make my stay more comfortable. Well, they don't have the power to give back what can't be given back.

I wanted them to stop asking. I felt sorry for them. I wanted to give them something useful to do for me. I told them that I should like to have all my parents books brought to the Hall. They gave each other a lingering glance –as if they thought I'd been too much reading as it was. But they did as I wished.

Today I wall spend sorting through this tower of books and decide which ought to stay in my room and which ought to be stored in the Hall's library. They smell of dust and memories. I am looking forward to this task more than I have to anything for a long time.

Frodo


	11. Own

I have spent 3 days with the books, only coming out for the occasional bite to eat, and to make appearances for the family. After much consideration, I have decided that all the books shall stay in this room – close to me. No one else will appreciate them as much as I do. There are so few things that I cam claim as my own. But these books I may and I will. I shall read them all if it takes the whole of my life. At last, something like a goal. Wonder if Uncle Sara would see it like that.

I have stacked them up against the wall, and they take the better part of the wall. They make good company.

Frodo


	12. Bookcase

I made the mistake of asking Uncle Sara if there was an extra bookcase about. I thought it might be another thing he could do to make himself feel he was doing right by me. I confuse them so. Well, he said they didn't – a lie I know. And right after he said that, I cringed, knowing what was likely to come next. I did not want any fake bonding activities.

Well, sure enough, he came up with the bright idea that he and I could build one together. So that is what we will do tomorrow. I don't suppose it will be too painful. I'm not much with a saw. He'll think he's doing me a favor. I guess I owe them something.

Frodo


End file.
